On Marriage and Children

Here I have transcribed page 95 from Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche. I bolded the font to emphasize my favorite parts. Creating life through love is perhaps the most mysterious and beautiful idea that crosses my mind’s path. If you read my first blog under the “travel diary” menu, these are the pages Eric shared with me on the plane. Hope you find it as insightful as we did!

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On Marriage and Children

I have a question for you alone, my brother: I throw this question like a plummet into your soul, to discover how deep it is.

You are young and desire marriage and children. But I ask you: are you a man who ought to desire a child?

Are you a victor, the self-conqueror, the ruler of your senses, the lord of your virtues? Thus I ask you.

Or do animal and necessity speak from your desire? Or isolation? Or disharmony with yourself?

I would have your victory and your freedom long for a child. You should build living memorials to your victory and your liberation.

You should build beyond yourself. But first you must be built yourself, square-built in body and soul. 

You should propagate yourself not only forward, but upward! May the garden of marriage* help you to do it!

You should create a higher body, a first motion, a self-propelling wheel – you should create a creator.

Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it. Reverence before one another, as before the willers of such a will — that I call marriage. 

Let this be the meaning and the truth of your marriage. But that which the many-too-many, the superfluous, call marriage – ah, what shall I call it? 

Ah, this poverty of soul in partnership! Ah, this filth of soul in partnership! Ah, this miserable ease in partnership!

All this they call marriage, and they say their marriages are made in Heaven. 

Well, I do not like it, this Heaven of the superfluous! No, I do not like them, these animals caught in the heavenly net!

And let the God who limps hither to bless what he has not joined stay far from me!

* * *

(On page 96, Nietzsche continues with brutal honesty about such marriages that he calls “a little dressed-up lie.” He does, after all, have a rep for sharing his unfiltered, entirely honest philosophies and thoughts. In this transcription I have left out some of his stark descriptions on what some men call their marriage. However, I will share the end of the page where he shares what he calls a marriage.)

* * *

One day you shall love beyond yourselves! So first learn to love! For that you have had to drink the bitter cup of your love.

There is bitterness in the cup of even the best love: thus it arouses longing for the Superman*, thus it arouses thirst in you, the creator!

A creator’s thirst, arrow, and longing for the Superman: speak, my brother, is this your will to marriage?

I can call holy such a will and such a marriage.

Thus spoke Zarathustra.

 

* Superman is the term Nietzche uses to name the human embodiment of divinity.

* The beauty of reading is making our own interpretations. Nietzche says, “May the garden of marriage help you to do it.” I believe the garden of love is the true force that will help us propagate ourselves forward and upward.

 

 

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Love is Madness

“Is it possible to preserve the lover and the poet without preserving the lunatic?” -Bertrand Russell

I’ve watched this “Shots of Awe” video dozens of times, sometimes alone, sometimes with Eric. Every time it causes an eruption of emotion, tears streaming from my eyes and my heart. I hang on to Eric in complete surrender and complete gratitude. Sometimes the indescribable feelings of being in love are too much for my small human body to fathom or contain. Sometimes I cannot express it to others in a way that can be understood, without exploding in ecstatic joy like a lunatic. Or without crying in heartache of one day having to exist without him.

This video really speaks to my heart. True love allows us to transcend time and space. It allows us to become godlike as we worship and are worshipped.

“to put the lover on a pedestal and and lose oneself in an ecstatic sexual worship, a staged managed resurrection, an apotheosis.” -Jason Silva

I cried to Eric as we watched it together again. I said, “How lucky we are to experience this kind of love in our lifetime. But I feel so sad for those who are still seeking it.”

For those of you out there who are reserving an empty space in your heart for deep, true, transcendental love… don’t stop believing. It’s worth the heartache. It’s worth the detours. It’s even worth the loneliness. Wait for a love that not only fills that empty space, but overflows from your being, a love that brings tears to your eyes because it’s just so beautiful.

Keep believing in love, wishing for it…manifest it. I know the empty place in your heart hurts. Believe me, I have been there. We are human beings wandering this Earth in search of our binary star, our human ally, our soulmate. Don’t be ashamed for seeking and longing for true love so desperately it hurts. How can anyone blame you???

“Where you can see the universe in the iris of your lover’s eye..”

Romantic infatuation is beautiful, it’s poetry, it’s art. We are artists expressing our ultimate truth of existence, our lives are the canvas, love is the masterpiece.

“Art is the lie that reveals the truth.”

Why do we fall in love?

Love makes us feel like gods, transcending the human condition…

“Together, we’re creating a shared universe where we can float above the clouds of entropy.” -Jason Silva

Can you blame us for squeezing so tightly around one another?

Can you blame us for wanting to listen to beautiful music and cry together?

Can you blame us for wanting to seek out comfort in each other’s core soul space?

A Field Can Bloom

This is a poem from the book, “The Purity of Desire- 100 Poems of Rumi.” Ezra and I are starting a 40 day sadhana that includes chanting a mantra in three volumes. The speaking voice represents the human form- myself. The whisper represents the angelic voice- the lover. The final volume is the silent voice of the Divine.

We must become conscious of the vibrations we release and receive. We can choose to become mindful of the way we speak to ourselves, refraining from inner talk that limits us. We should not only become more mindful of the words we say to others, but also the words we listen to and allow into our internal atmospheres. We can embrace silence, and listen mindfully to sounds that are known and unknown. We can also meditate, creating vibrations of certain frequencies that can help us transcend beyond our minds.

We should ask ourselves, “Is my voice like pollution in the air or gentle rainfall over a garden?” I am grateful to have found a lover who causes flowers to bloom in my eyes when we communicate. I dedicate this poem to my voice, the whisper of my lover, and the ambient sounds of Infinity.

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Talking can be sweet. A field can bloom in your eyes when sharing words with the right person.

An invisible effulgence wafts out from a heart that is happy. That is an oxygen to us.

In some cities, smoke stacks pollute the air and harm the lungs of many creatures.

A good song fills our chests too, but can have the opposite effect- everything it touches may be better off.

There is a governor of every region of space, a divine agent; he or she may remain hidden, but their business is your soul, as it is mine.

Words can fertilize space now and then; don’t deny yourself becoming enriched.

Find some ears that love the touch of your sounds, and you theirs.

-Rumi

 

Magic

magic

noun | mag·ic |  /ma-jik/

the use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have mysterious or supernatural power over natural forces

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I believe in magic… Do you?

When we made love last night, it paralyzed me. I drifted away sated, and heavy, and light.

This morning when I woke up, I felt his warmth encompass me. I moaned and groaned, resisting the early routines. I brushed my teeth, splashed my face with warm water, then moisturized my cheeks with argan oil. I dug for my bra in the dirty clothes basket, dressed myself carelessly, and took a quick glance at my reflection in the mirror.

I went downstairs to a small pile of vitamins that Ezra had prepared for me. We recently took a test to determine what our health deficiencies were, and we bought the vitamins that would promote balance. I took a deep breath knowing I had a few pills to swallow, but I did it gratefully, appreciating his genuine interest and concern for my health.

I packed a few of my daily snacks.. A rice cake with peanut butter, nuts, and a Godiva chocolate truffle. I got my winter coat out of the closet. The aroma of fresh coffee wafted through the air. Everything was ready for another day. I thought, “Now I can enjoy my favorite morning routine…”

I took my coffee to the couch and sat beside him. Every morning we take a moment to be present together…to welcome the new day together. I love the word together. We sit side-by-side with our feet propped on the ottoman, which is pulled a few inches away from the sofa, so our blanket can catch the rising heat from the floor heater. A dim light sends a soft amber glow across the walls. We relax in our heat pocket, enjoying the quietude of the morning. Sometimes we will read a page to each other as we sip our coffee. This morning we watched a chubby cardinal stop by the patio to eat the seeds I scattered about for the birds to share.

Usually about ten minutes before I leave for work, we close our eyes and begin our religious morning pranayama. First he holds my hand. Next, we re-align our posture, close our eyes, and begin our first mindful breath. Inhale…. exhale, one. I hear his breath in unison with mine, but the strength behind his, encourages me to breathe deeper. Inhale…. exhale, two. We keep the pattern for 30 breaths until we patiently draw out the last exhale. There is always a moment of stillness at the end of that exhale, when we don’t rush to the next inhalation. We linger at the bottom of the exhale, then take a final deep breath in, filling our diaphragms up with prana. The expansion of my chest encourages me to face the day with my inner body bright. We hold it as long as we can. The final breath is always the most peaceful, unrushed part of my day. I feel like I can stay in that space between the inhale and exhale forever.

I open my eyes, and every time, there he is. His gentle blue eyes gazing serenely into my direction.

We get up, I zip up my boots, put on my coat, grab my bag and coffee. He helps me gather my bearings as he opens the door. The cool air creeps into the room. Together, we breathe in our first  breath of the new day. We kiss.

Sometimes we kiss sweetly. Sometimes passionately, as I feel his hardness begging me to stay. Every time, mindfully.

This morning, it was all in the hug. As he embraced me, we breathed each other in, squeezing tighter as we reached the top of our inhales. It was as if he was trying to breathe my essence into his own being. Absorbing as much of me as he could, to last him the day, until we reunite in the evening. He moved his hands against me energetically, and our hug became a desperate attempt to entwine. With our inhales, I felt alive and awake. During the exhale I felt a tranquil smoothness, a quiet calmness. We were immersed in each other. Completely present. Our hug was enlightening, awakening, a meditation.

I kissed him again, then looked up at him smiling and amazed. Always amazed.

“I carry your heart with me,” I said, borrowing E.E. Cumming’s words to tell him that I am always with him and he is always with me, even when we are apart.

“I carry it in my heart,” he responded and I melted.

How could it have been more perfect… We speak the same language.

I walked down the path, looking up the the vast sky, listening to the waking world around me. I could hear the birds and smell the spring. I had a skip to my step, satisfied to have experienced another affectionate, sensual hug.

It was just a hug, but it was meaningful, mindful….it was magical. Our embraces are rarely, “just a hug.” I truly cherish our mornings.

Another definition of magic reads, “a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, especially in a way that gives delight.”

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The daily routines continued. I gave my students breakfast at 7:30 am. At 8:00 I dictated some sentences that included words with the phonics skill of the week, long a in -ai and    -ay. As I circulated around the room, I watched their work, and became amazed at their progress. I thought of the first time I administered this assessment at the beginning of the year. Today,  their handwriting was not only legible, but beautiful and slanted. I watched as their brains broke apart the sounds in the words, and they searched their memory for the tools and phonetic rules to spell the words correctly. They had capital letters at the beginning of each sentence, and each sentence ended with a perfectly sized period resting on the footline.

The school day continued. We chorally read a story, and the children showed their comprehension by connecting words. The students practiced speaking and listening. We practiced writing an informative paragraph. I finished administering the weekly fluency checks. We talked about kindness. We stretched and breathed. The students did three rotations of small group centers.

My energy seemed to expire before noon, but the day went on like usual. By 3:30, I was anxious to be home, to be alone, but with Ezra.

We talked about our day briefly, the highs and the lows, not really the in-betweens. He cooked eggs and a huge, fluffy protein banana-pancake with mango, pineapple, and cherries. We enjoyed it with sweet honey. I used his Amazon Prime account to order a novel. I found another book that I was interested in and he showed me how to make a wish list for myself under his account. It asked what my relationship to him was. The only seemingly accurate option read, “Significant Other.”

I asked him, “Am I your significant other?”

We paused and he softened with a smile. He shook his head and I blushed. I grinned a cheeky grin. Our gazes lingered as we reflected on those words that have seemed so conventional and meaningless until now. I contemplated the mystery of life and the layers of existence. I thought of all of the humans in the past, the present, the future. I thought of the human beside me. And of all the humans in existence, I am his significant other, and he is mine. It seems pretty significant.

We went upstairs to enjoy one of our usual night routines together before he had to go out of town for his work. He should have already left, but he wanted time with me as much as I wanted time with him. So we hid away in our hidden oasis with colorful tapestries draped over the loft, and candles flickering upon the sconces.

We started one of our favorite comedies and stretched on the floor. Next, he held me as we relaxed on the bed, listening to the first silence of the day since our morning. His body surrounded me, and I felt safe and content. I didn’t want him to leave.

I felt his galvanizing breath get heavy on my neck as he aroused my passion. I gently pushed my bum back, encouraging him. He scraped my neck with his lips, explored my stomach with his hand, then turned me over.

He pressed his lips against mine, his tongue slipping inside, drinking in the flavor of my lips. We began thrusting desperately as I rubbed my clothed space against his frame.

He caressed my breasts and kissed my skin as he descended lower down my body.  As the moisture of his suctioned lips surrounded my clit, my body released all tension. I softened and opened. His dexterity with his tongue was sensational. The pressure, the pace, the rhythm, suction, the softness, hardness, the gentle breaths in my vertex.

I turned over and moved above him, so we could pleasure each other simultaneously. I placed my knees on either side of his head and lowered myself down to meet his mouth. I looked at his naked body. He was at his greatest lengths. I teased him with my tongue, moving slowly up and down his erection, curling around it in a caress. He whispered my name, and I knew he was under my spell.

I invited him into my mouth, but when I reached the end, I surprised myself as much as I surprised him. Instead of lifting my mouth back up, I allowed him to slowly descend deeper.

And deeper.

As I was so focused on pleasuring him, I was also completely aware of the pleasure he was giving me as he savored my lotus with his lips.

I could feel his mouth devouring my quim, and I was moving my hips on his face to his beat. I was so aware of the sensations in my body and I could feel myself releasing moisture into his skillful mouth. Distracted by my own pleasure, I began taking him deeper into my mouth… then my throat. I could feel the stopping point, but continued to lower down, taking him completely in. My eyes began to water, but I didn’t want to release him. I felt his shape filling the space in my throat, as I felt his warm breath, lips, and tongue against my sacred place. His face became submerged as we moaned out loud. I felt his penis pulsing in the back of my throat as my liquids poured down his chin.

I was ready.

mm

I rolled over and took a quick sip of water.. The candles and himalayan crystal painted the room colors of marigold, sunset, and amber. We were glowing.

I moved above him, straddled his body, and looked into his eyes. He gazed up at me, and I saw golden rays of light in his eyes. He stared at me as if I weren’t real, like a dream. I felt like a goddess.

I used my hand to guide him inside. And our bodies crashed. I moved back and forth releasing loud sighs as the base of his body rubbed against me while he was within me. Instead of automatic movements, my body was moving freely and spontaneously. I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I was moving too fast, too impatient, and greedy.

 I looked into his eyes once again and paused.  In that stillness, I felt a subtle pulse inside me. He was engaging his muscle without moving anything else, and it made me wild. I wasn’t moving, but I was feeling. I began thrusting back and forth feeling his shape like a strong current between a wave and a vessel. I pressed my hands into his shoulders and stared into his equally dazzled eyes. The pressure of his hands on my hips moving to the same rhythm as our bodies, grounded me as I was elevating, until I suddenly felt liquid heat erupt from my body. My body lifted and dropped as the rush came. A grateful moan escaped my body.

I was elated and satiated.

I felt as though I might collapse happily, but continued the pace, knowing he was close behind. I was soaking him as I danced freely above his body. He lifted me abruptly, slid out of my open lotus, and released me back down. My lower lips caressed his penis, sliding around him. I slid back and forth as Ezra literally overflowed with energy. His liquid was squirting out onto his belly, blending in with mine. He let out an endless breath as his rush followed mine.

Still straddling him, I fell into a deep backbend, collapsing backwards. I was in a kind of supta virasana pose, my head opposite of his on the bed, between his legs. I imagined what we might have looked like from above, and envisioned two bodies in the sensual shape of one. I thought it was art and it was beautiful. Skin melting together, creating a softness and a vibrance. A hero and his goddess.

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I reached my hands out, and he pulled me up. I took a reviving breath and once again collapsed, but this time I deflated onto his chest. My naked body pressed against his. He relaxed completely as he sank his back into the mattress. His legs were spread slightly and my legs stretched out between his. Heat emanated from his body and my cheeks were on fire. I closed my eyes… and thought I could lay like this forever.

I rested above him, motionless, dazed, tranquil.

I knew he had already stayed too late. A dark curtain already covered the sky, and he still had a 5 hour drive to Virginia. An early morning also awaited him.

Yet he didn’t move. I didn’t move. We were immobile. Pressed together and tangled up. We were not in a hurry. We were stunned, content, and peaceful.

Worried about him driving through the night, I tore myself off him.

As he rinsed off in the shower, I went downstairs to boil water for hot tea. I prepared his favorite tea in a tumbler, packed tomorrow morning’s vitamins into a little bag, made him a concoction of healthy snacks including a rice cake, sunflower seeds, nuts, dried cranberries, and dark chocolate. I added a biscuit to go with his tea and a single Swedish Fish, just for fun. I peeled an orange and cut an apple, thinking if he got hungry, he would feel more energetic eating something healthy and light. I hoped my little efforts would bring him a little more comfort on his trip.

“You’re unbelievable,” he whispered.

He passionately enveloped me in his embrace. I held onto him as tightly as I could. As he kissed me, he slipped his tongue inside my parted lips. His tongue thrusted deep and slow, absorbing my taste, as if it would be the last time. I ached as he withdrew and we had to tear ourselves away.

As he picked up his things and began to depart, I reached for his arm. He examined my face and I held onto his gaze. In that look, I told him I loved him in so many ways, yet I didn’t speak at all.  We communicated telepathically using unknown senses. We looked at each other in a way that exceeds meaning… a way that expresses more than words can explain.

I came up to my room, still descending from my high, and sat on my bed…hypnotized. I took a moment to listen to the silence. But as I was sinking into the stillness, thoughts of him invaded my mind.

It was like he sensed that I was thinking of him when  I heard the chime of a text message, and saw his name on the screen. Inside, was a link to this song…”Magic.”

As I listened, I felt understood, appreciated, and loved. Our connection is an enchanting mystery. I am my best, most alive self. I am illuminated and illuminating.

He sees the magic in me that I have known was there all along.

Fast Sex, Slow Love

Dr. Helen Fisher offers her scientific counsel on how to experience sustained feelings of intense romantic love. I really enjoyed listening to this episode of “Big Think” because it provides logical validation on my internal theories of enduring passion.

I have read about the three phases of love. The beginning stage is called the lust phase. Next is the attraction stage, also known as the honeymoon period. Finally, an attachment forms in the commitment phase. It is said that relationships go through an evolution from one phase to the next in sequential order. However, I believe it is possible for couples to experience all three phases simultaneously.

We have all heard the term “honeymoon phase,” and even some of my dearest friends have cautioned me that the intensity Ezra and I share would naturally slow down, or someday evaporate. As I listened to their cynical words, I knew they spoke from experience. I secretly encountered feelings of guilt because I knew that our bond was only growing stronger and deeper. I often found myself in deep reflection trying to understand our profoundly balanced relationship. I wondered how and why the pieces fit so perfectly revealing a brightness and warmth on a colorful canvas. It feels healthy, stable, and simple. Yet, so exhilarating and complex.

Our connection has been electrically intoxicating since the beginning.We have now shared our bodies for three and a half years, our hearts for almost two years, and I still feel the fantasy love. Only now, after entering the third phase of love, it is a melange of fantasy love and real love. It only gets better people. You do not have to become complacent or stagnate in the commitment stage. The rays of energy shared between you and your partner can continue to reach new depths of desire, trust, fantasy, and reality.

I wanted to share this video because I completely endorse Dr. Fisher’s simple advice on how to keep the sizzle of your relationship alive. You can still feel the erotic passion of the lust phase, the romantic passion of the attraction phase, and the security and trust of the attachment phase.

  1. Have sex regularly
  2. Do novel things together
  3. Stay in touch
  4. Express empathy
  5. Control your emotions
  6. Practice positive illusions
  7. Say nice things to each other

It really isn’t unattainable to feel your cup runneth over with love. You do not have to go overseas on a great adventure to do novel things together. Ezra and I gain so much from simple pleasures. We enjoy reading aloud to each other from our books. We enjoy cold walks around the apartment complex with his hand wrapped around mine, until I suddenly jump on his back and he playfully carries me home. We make out multiple times a day and continue to explore each other’s bodies ambitiously. I never feel like he is too distracted to share his attention, but always feel like I am his greatest distraction. We touch with our eyes and our bodies.. and the way we stare at each other is capturing. We don’t usually message each other during the day with empty words, but use our messages as an opportunity to express how much we LIKE each other.

While I was at work three days ago he sent this message:

“I love that we can live together and cook for each other. I love that we have the same desire to explore our planet. But you are magic.”

He continued, “Days when we hide away together all day are still escapes. Just like they use to be.”

I responded, “You are my poet.”

The next day I said, “I’m thinking about you baby. I can’t believe we have each other or how intense and powerful our connection remains.”

My feelings were reciprocated when he said, “I can’t believe it either baby. It’s real and honest and healthy. I wouldn’t trade us for anything.”

Then, he told me he just wanted to feel my skin against his.. and I got impatient to get home after work…

I tell him about my days at school teaching first grade and he says, “You’re such a hero love. I feel honored to call you my girlfriend.”

It may seem too good to be real, but it is real. It isn’t always so light and carefree. We are humans living in a matrix of traffic and government institutions. Our jobs and the busy-ness of current life sometimes deplete our energy. There are days when I arrive home,  I just want to wrap myself up in a blanket and close my eyes. It’s okay when things aren’t elevated and perfect. It is more important to acknowledge those moments and grow from them.

On Monday I told him, “I get tired sometimes but I am so happy to have you and see you and enjoy you.”

“I get tired too, but I am so happy to be with you babe. You bring me balance and light, and I am so grateful.”

Say nice things to each other. 

Over the weekend we went on a hike with one of Ezra’s friends, Daniel. Daniel kept a steady pace on the uphill trek to the peak of the mountain. I tried my best to keep up, but fell behind when I stopped to tie my boot. I heard Ezra call out to Daniel to slow down for a minute so I could catch up. I love that he is always cognizant of my proximity. I smiled to myself, thankful. We stayed close to each other, but also gave each other space to enjoy the quietude of the woods. Sometimes we held hands for a few steps, just because we can’t go too long without touching. Other times we communicated with a soft gaze and a simple smile.

As we continued uphill, I started to feel the weight of the winter. I could have taken a rest, but I  have pretty good endurance and wouldn’t stop unless they did. Ezra must have sensed my fatigue, because he asked Daniel if we could take a water break. I knew he did that for me. It’s like he is listening to me, even when I am not speaking.

We finally reached the destination and rested at the top to take in the view, the peacefulness, the sounds and sights of nature. The sky was gray and serene. A heavy fog covered the distant views. We shared cashews, granola, and water. We breathed in the cool clean air, happy to be in nature.

He asked Daniel to take a picture of us, and I was grateful knowing he did it for me and I didn’t have to ask.

The temperate dropped and I could see my exhales leaving my body. He walked over to me and as we silently looked into each other’s smiling eyes, he zipped my jacket up to the top. I felt so cared for and nurtured. I felt so grateful that he is constantly considering me. He’ll never know the quiet impact moments like that have on my soul.

This was just an ordinary Saturday. But it was novel.

I texted him Monday morning during a break at school. “We are a team and life is better together. I can’t even imagine ever betraying each other. People say relationships are hard, but our relationship just isn’t. I am so grateful for you and how much you care for me. I’m so lucky.”

He wrote back, “You’re more than I could have wished for in a human ally.”

We had plans to visit his family after work and I told him I couldn’t wait for him to hold my hand in the car. Every time we are in the car, grocery store, or walking on a path, he takes my hand in his. When we lie beside each other in bed, my hand rests safely in his. It never feels like a habit to me, I always feel so giddy and excited to hold hands. It’s special every time.

Tuesday morning I arrived to work at 7:25 am. I saw his name on my phone. Inside it said, “I can still taste your lips.”

I responded honestly, “The way I feel for you, and think about you is unexplainable. There is a constant sense of peace that floats around me knowing that I have you.”

Being in love is the greatest of all great experiences. There is more to a happy, healthy relationship than just loving each other.

Dr. Fisher encapsulates how to exist in all three phases of love. I believe her theory is accurate because Ezra and I do all seven things naturally and daily. Some of the suggestions are simple, some require self-work and reflection. But all are possible if you want to GROW in love instead of just staying in love.

Endless Love

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Screen Shot 2016-02-15 at 10.04.24 PM            Five stars.

In this moving novel, Scott Spencer tells the story of David and Jade who share a love that is so intense and true, they cannot even fathom it themselves. Their electrically charged desire for each other takes them into another dimension of love that is beyond the love that most people know and understand.

Here, Spencer speaks through his character, David Axelrod as he describes being in love:

“If being in love is to be suddenly united with the most unruly, the most outrageously alive part of yourself, this state of piercing consciousness did not subside in me, as I’ve learned it does in others, after a time. If my mind could have made a sound, it would have burst a row of wineglasses. I saw coincidences everywhere; meanings darted and danced like overheated molecules. Everything was terrifyingly complex; everything was terrifyingly simple.”

From beginning to end, Spencer uses poetic metaphors that enable you to see the characters as he perhaps saw them in his imagination as he wrote. His descriptions of settings and feelings invite you deeper into the story where you can feel the passion, the pain, and the aliveness the young couple feel. Oh! How many corners of pages I folded, overwhelmed with the beauty of the words, hoping to one day return to them again.

David’s emotions provoke him to cause an accident that separates him from Jade and her family. As David lays alone in his room, separated from his soulmate, he tells of the hundred letters he never sent…

“I wrote at dawn, I wrote in the bathroom, I woke in the desolate middle of the night and wrote and wrote. I wrote poems, some copied, some composed. I made it clear to the world that what Jade and I had found in each other was more real than any other world, more real than time, more real than death, more real, even, than she and I.”

He quietly, secretly, and ambitiously develops a plan to restore the harmony they once shared, until his efforts succeed and bring him closer to the only reality he wants to call his own.

“I felt her presence drifting within me like sunlight in a dark wood and I knew that she felt my thoughts as they followed her. It was life as dream, afternoons in eternity, it was all manner of leaps of meaning, all varieties of mental magic, it was the world luminous and transparent once again—just as it was when I fell asleep in Jade’s embrace and woke with her hair on my pillow.”

Although considered a preeminent erotic love story of its time, Endless Love does not include chapter after chapter of shallow sexual encounters between the characters. You spend over two hundred pages exploring the depths of their relationship, the light, the darkness, the pleasure, and the pain. Each word, sentence, paragraph, and chapter builds up to the moment when Jade and David are finally reunited. The poetry and imagery invite you into the room where the lovers communicate with their voices, their hands, their eyes, their bodies. The climax seems never-ending as Spencer shares the most elaborate, intricate details. If I had to describe the sexual scenes with one word, I wouldn’t say penetration or ecstasy or erotic or seductive.. I would say absorption.

“I felt surrounded by a membrane of pleasure, a huge, incandescent cocoon, brilliant and opaque for the most part but diaphanous at this curve or that.  And through those patches of pleasure from which the color had somehow drained, I was intermittently aware of the shadows on the wall, the creak of the bedsprings, the peevish nuzzle of one prominent mattress button. Then, like a slowly revolving dome, the pleasure surrounded me in all of its opacity and I was lost again.”

The bond between David and Jade gives others hope for a transcendent love. Other characters in the story have their own love stories, but witnessing the alliance between David and Jade moves them to question their own romantic relationships. David and Jade’s energetic connection moves and inspires others to discover their own capacities to give and to feel love.

I am experiencing love everyday. I experience it through my relationship with Ezra. I also experience the many loves that exist in our existence through listening to and observing my friends, family, and even strangers. Although love is all around, I unfortunately do not see many people consumed in a love like David and Jade. Some people have gone and will go their entire lives never feeling or knowing a love as infinite as the characters in the story.

Humans are resilient beings and we can carry on life after love. We can find new mates when relationships end. We can develop deeper connections with ourselves and build our independence. But when there is a love as inconceivable as David and Jade’s, it is rare and unequaled. Spencer emphasizes this in the final pages, where his words are so beautiful, I held the book to my heart and wept.

“Everything is in its place. The past rests, breathing faintly in the darkness. It no longer holds me as it used to; now I must reach back to touch it. It is night and I am alone and there is still time, a moment more. I am standing on a long black stage, with a circle of light on me, which is my love for you, enduring. I have escaped— or have been expelled—from eternity and am back in time. But I step out once more to sing this aria, this confession, this testament without end. My arms open wide, not to embrace you but to embrace the world, the mystery we are caught in. There is no orchestra, no audience; it is an empty theater in the middle of the night and all the clocks in the world are ticking. And now for the last time, Jade, I don’t mind, or even ask if it is madness:                                          I see your face, I see you, you; I see you in every seat.”   -page 418