magic

noun | mag·ic |  /ma-jik/

the use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have mysterious or supernatural power over natural forces

I believe in magic… Do you?

When we made love last night, it paralyzed me. I drifted away sated, and heavy, and light.

This morning when I woke up, I felt his warmth encompass me. I moaned and groaned, resisting the early routines. I brushed my teeth, splashed my face with warm water, then moisturized my cheeks with argan oil. I dug for my bra in the dirty clothes basket, dressed myself carelessly, and took a quick glance at my reflection in the mirror.

I went downstairs to a small pile of vitamins that Ezra had prepared for me. We recently took a test to determine what our health deficiencies were, and we bought the vitamins that would promote balance. I took a deep breath knowing I had a few pills to swallow, but I did it gratefully, appreciating his genuine interest and concern for my health.

I packed a few of my daily snacks.. A rice cake with peanut butter, nuts, and a Godiva chocolate truffle. I got my winter coat out of the closet. The aroma of fresh coffee wafted through the air. Everything was ready for another day. I thought, “Now I can enjoy my favorite morning routine…”

I took my coffee to the couch and sat beside him. Every morning we take a moment to be present together…to welcome the new day together. I love the word together. We sit side-by-side with our feet propped on the ottoman, which is pulled a few inches away from the sofa, so our blanket can catch the rising heat from the floor heater. A dim light sends a soft amber glow across the walls. We relax in our heat pocket, enjoying the quietude of the morning. Sometimes we will read a page to each other as we sip our coffee. This morning we watched a chubby cardinal stop by the patio to eat the seeds I scattered about for the birds to share.

Usually about ten minutes before I leave for work, we close our eyes and begin our religious morning pranayama. First he holds my hand. Next, we re-align our posture, close our eyes, and begin our first mindful breath. Inhale…. exhale, one. I hear his breath in unison with mine, but the strength behind his, encourages me to breathe deeper. Inhale…. exhale, two. We keep the pattern for 30 breaths until we patiently draw out the last exhale. There is always a moment of stillness at the end of that exhale, when we don’t rush to the next inhalation. We linger at the bottom of the exhale, then take a final deep breath in, filling our diaphragms up with prana. The expansion of my chest encourages me to face the day with my inner body bright. We hold it as long as we can. The final breath is always the most peaceful, unrushed part of my day. I feel like I can stay in that space between the inhale and exhale forever.

I open my eyes, and every time, there he is. His gentle blue eyes gazing serenely into my direction.

We get up, I zip up my boots, put on my coat, grab my bag and coffee. He helps me gather my bearings as he opens the door. The cool air creeps into the room. Together, we breathe in our first  breath of the new day. We kiss.

Sometimes we kiss sweetly. Sometimes passionately, as I feel his hardness begging me to stay. Every time, mindfully.

This morning, it was all in the hug. As he embraced me, we breathed each other in, squeezing tighter as we reached the top of our inhales. It was as if he was trying to breathe my essence into his own being. Absorbing as much of me as he could, to last him the day, until we reunite in the evening. He moved his hands against me energetically, and our hug became a desperate attempt to entwine. With our inhales, I felt alive and awake. During the exhale I felt a tranquil smoothness, a quiet calmness. We were immersed in each other. Completely present. Our hug was enlightening, awakening, a meditation.

I kissed him again, then looked up at him smiling and amazed. Always amazed.

“I carry your heart with me,” I said, borrowing E.E. Cumming’s words to tell him that I am always with him and he is always with me, even when we are apart.

“I carry it in my heart,” he responded and I melted.

How could it have been more perfect… We speak the same language.

I walked down the path, looking up the the vast sky, listening to the waking world around me. I could hear the birds and smell the spring. I had a skip to my step, satisfied to have experienced another affectionate, sensual hug.

It was just a hug, but it was meaningful, mindful….it was magical. Our embraces are rarely, “just a hug.” I truly cherish our mornings.

Another definition of magic reads, “a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, especially in a way that gives delight.”

The daily routines continued. I gave my students breakfast at 7:30 am. At 8:00 I dictated some sentences that included words with the phonics skill of the week, long a in -ai and    -ay. As I circulated around the room, I watched their work, and became amazed at their progress. I thought of the first time I administered this assessment at the beginning of the year. Today,  their handwriting was not only legible, but beautiful and slanted. I watched as their brains broke apart the sounds in the words, and they searched their memory for the tools and phonetic rules to spell the words correctly. They had capital letters at the beginning of each sentence, and each sentence ended with a perfectly sized period resting on the footline.

The school day continued. We chorally read a story, and the children showed their comprehension by connecting words. The students practiced speaking and listening. We practiced writing an informative paragraph. I finished administering the weekly fluency checks. We talked about kindness. We stretched and breathed. The students did three rotations of small group centers.

My energy seemed to expire before noon, but the day went on like usual. By 3:30, I was anxious to be home, to be alone, but with Ezra.

We talked about our day briefly, the highs and the lows, not really the in-betweens. He cooked eggs and a huge, fluffy protein banana-pancake with mango, pineapple, and cherries. We enjoyed it with sweet honey. I used his Amazon Prime account to order a novel. I found another book that I was interested in and he showed me how to make a wish list for myself under his account. It asked what my relationship to him was. The only seemingly accurate option read, “Significant Other.”

I asked him, “Am I your significant other?”

We paused and he softened with a smile. He shook his head and I blushed. I grinned a cheeky grin. Our gazes lingered as we reflected on those words that have seemed so conventional and meaningless until now. I contemplated the mystery of life and the layers of existence. I thought of all of the humans in the past, the present, the future. I thought of the human beside me. And of all the humans in existence, I am his significant other, and he is mine. It seems pretty significant.

We went upstairs to enjoy one of our usual night routines together before he had to go out of town for his work. He should have already left, but he wanted time with me as much as I wanted time with him. So we hid away in our hidden oasis with colorful tapestries draped over the loft, and candles flickering upon the sconces.

We started one of our favorite comedies and stretched on the floor. Next, he held me as we relaxed on the bed, listening to the first silence of the day since our morning. His body surrounded me, and I felt safe and content. I didn’t want him to leave.

I felt his galvanizing breath get heavy on my neck as he aroused my passion. I gently pushed my bum back, encouraging him. He scraped my neck with his lips, explored my stomach with his hand, then turned me over.

He pressed his lips against mine, his tongue slipping inside, drinking in the flavor of my lips. We began thrusting desperately as I rubbed my clothed space against his frame.

He caressed my breasts and kissed my skin as he descended lower down my body.  As the moisture of his suctioned lips surrounded my clit, my body released all tension. I softened and opened. His dexterity with his tongue was sensational. The pressure, the pace, the rhythm, suction, the softness, hardness, the gentle breaths in my vertex.

I turned over and moved above him, so we could pleasure each other simultaneously. I placed my knees on either side of his head and lowered myself down to meet his mouth. I looked at his naked body. He was at his greatest lengths. I teased him with my tongue, moving slowly up and down his erection, curling around it in a caress. He whispered my name, and I knew he was under my spell.

I invited him into my mouth, but when I reached the end, I surprised myself as much as I surprised him. Instead of lifting my mouth back up, I allowed him to slowly descend deeper.

And deeper.

As I was so focused on pleasuring him, I was also completely aware of the pleasure he was giving me as he savored my lotus with his lips.

I could feel his mouth devouring my quim, and I was moving my hips on his face to his beat. I was so aware of the sensations in my body and I could feel myself releasing moisture into his skillful mouth. Distracted by my own pleasure, I began taking him deeper into my mouth… then my throat. I could feel the stopping point, but continued to lower down, taking him completely in. My eyes began to water, but I didn’t want to release him. I felt his shape filling the space in my throat, as I felt his warm breath, lips, and tongue against my sacred place. His face became submerged as we moaned out loud. I felt his penis pulsing in the back of my throat as my liquids poured down his chin.

I was ready.

I rolled over and took a quick sip of water.. The candles and himalayan crystal painted the room colors of marigold, sunset, and amber. We were glowing.

I moved above him, straddled his body, and looked into his eyes. He gazed up at me, and I saw golden rays of light in his eyes. He stared at me as if I weren’t real, like a dream. I felt like a goddess.

I used my hand to guide him inside. And our bodies crashed. I moved back and forth releasing loud sighs as the base of his body rubbed against me while he was within me. Instead of automatic movements, my body was moving freely and spontaneously. I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I was moving too fast, too impatient, and greedy.

 I looked into his eyes once again and paused.  In that stillness, I felt a subtle pulse inside me. He was engaging his muscle without moving anything else, and it made me wild. I wasn’t moving, but I was feeling. I began thrusting back and forth feeling his shape like a strong current between a wave and a vessel. I pressed my hands into his shoulders and stared into his equally dazzled eyes. The pressure of his hands on my hips moving to the same rhythm as our bodies, grounded me as I was elevating, until I suddenly felt liquid heat erupt from my body. My body lifted and dropped as the rush came. A grateful moan escaped my body.

I was elated and satiated.

I felt as though I might collapse happily, but continued the pace, knowing he was close behind. I was soaking him as I danced freely above his body. He lifted me abruptly, slid out of my open lotus, and released me back down. My lower lips caressed his penis, sliding around him. I slid back and forth as Ezra literally overflowed with energy. His liquid was squirting out onto his belly, blending in with mine. He let out an endless breath as his rush followed mine.

Still straddling him, I fell into a deep backbend, collapsing backwards. I was in a kind of supta virasana pose, my head opposite of his on the bed, between his legs. I imagined what we might have looked like from above, and envisioned two bodies in the sensual shape of one. I thought it was art and it was beautiful. Skin melting together, creating a softness and a vibrance. A hero and his goddess.

I reached my hands out, and he pulled me up. I took a reviving breath and once again collapsed, but this time I deflated onto his chest. My naked body pressed against his. He relaxed completely as he sank his back into the mattress. His legs were spread slightly and my legs stretched out between his. Heat emanated from his body and my cheeks were on fire. I closed my eyes… and thought I could lay like this forever.

I rested above him, motionless, dazed, tranquil.

I knew he had already stayed too late. A dark curtain already covered the sky, and he still had a 5 hour drive to Virginia. An early morning also awaited him.

Yet he didn’t move. I didn’t move. We were immobile. Pressed together and tangled up. We were not in a hurry. We were stunned, content, and peaceful.

Worried about him driving through the night, I tore myself off him.

As he rinsed off in the shower, I went downstairs to boil water for hot tea. I prepared his favorite tea in a tumbler, packed tomorrow morning’s vitamins into a little bag, made him a concoction of healthy snacks including a rice cake, sunflower seeds, nuts, dried cranberries, and dark chocolate. I added a biscuit to go with his tea and a single Swedish Fish, just for fun. I peeled an orange and cut an apple, thinking if he got hungry, he would feel more energetic eating something healthy and light. I hoped my little efforts would bring him a little more comfort on his trip.

“You’re unbelievable,” he whispered.

He passionately enveloped me in his embrace. I held onto him as tightly as I could. As he kissed me, he slipped his tongue inside my parted lips. His tongue thrusted deep and slow, absorbing my taste, as if it would be the last time. I ached as he withdrew and we had to tear ourselves away.

As he picked up his things and began to depart, I reached for his arm. He examined my face and I held onto his gaze. In that look, I told him I loved him in so many ways, yet I didn’t speak at all.  We communicated telepathically using unknown senses. We looked at each other in a way that exceeds meaning… a way that expresses more than words can explain.

I came up to my room, still descending from my high, and sat on my bed…hypnotized. I took a moment to listen to the silence. But as I was sinking into the stillness, thoughts of him invaded my mind.

It was like he sensed that I was thinking of him when  I heard the chime of a text message, and saw his name on the screen. Inside, was a link to this song…”Magic.”

As I listened, I felt understood, appreciated, and loved. Our connection is an enchanting mystery. I am my best, most alive self. I am illuminated and illuminating.

He sees the magic in me that I have known was there all along.