My Eudaimonia started as an idea that generated from the simple, but complex experience of being in love.
I have always considered myself a lover of love. I enjoy experiencing it as well as witnessing it. The abstract emotion of love brings me endless curiosity. It’s personal and it’s universal. It is something I attempt to explain, yet it is unexplainable. Love is everything.
As a young girl I often read romance novels, became engrossed in the stories, and formed relationships with the characters of my imagination. Their happy endings were important to me. I dreamed of a magical romance like the fictional fantasies I read about in my favorite books.
Here I am at 28 years old and I have become the lead character of a love story… my love story. I am the Heroine of my very own romance. In my diary I have captured moments of escaping my human form where all the noise becomes silence, and only Oneness exists. I have entered a sexual realm where the connection shared is a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual medley. It is as mysterious as the stars in galaxies unknown.
Experiencing a love so intense, rapturous, mystical, and elevated became a source of inspiration. Though I would not consider myself a writer, I often found myself in front of my computer, my fingers moving naturally, trying to find a way to capture the moments.. to keep them forever.
In an essay about Love, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under any other circumstances.”
Fueled by passion, with fever in my cheeks, and love in my heart, I sat there writing. It became a form of creative, sensual expression. As I overflowed with love and with words, my journals developed a genre. It is a memoir of a sex goddess, an erotic nonfiction fantasy.
One of my favorite authors is Anais Nin. She escaped to her diary where she could confess the intimate details of her sexual journey. Though her ideas and confessions about love and sex were creative and poetic, she was faced with social restrictions. She then turned to fiction to recreate the artistic distillations of her own diary. I am inspired by Nin. I can also relate to her in the way that I too find creative expression in my diary. I however, exist in a time that erotic literature is accepted. I do not need the approval or disapproval of society.
I feel compelled to share my story with others to show that sexuality is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be embraced. Having sexual blockages can also create imbalances in many other areas of our relationships and our lives. I want to encourage readers to explore the deepest desires of your heart. I would also like to emphasize the importance of cultivating a healthy self, in order to cultivate a healthy relationship.
It was difficult to find a word that encapsulates my moments of transcendence, ecstasy, and bliss. I discovered the name for my digital diary when I read these words in “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert:
“Sometimes it is fairy dust. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve made something wonderful or done something wonderful and when you look back at it later, all you can say is, “I don’t even know where that came from.” You can’t repeat it, you cant explain it, but it felt as if you were being guided. I only rarely experience this feeling but its the most magnificent sensation imaginable when it arrives. I don’t think there is a more perfect happiness to be found in life than this state except perhaps falling in love. In ancient greek, the word for the highest degree of human happiness is eudaimonia, which basically means well-demoned. That is nicely taken care of by some external divine creative spirit guide.”
-having a good attendant or indwelling spirit, lucky, happy
-a contented state of being happy and healthy and prosperous
I continued to research the term, and learned that eudaimonia is the word Aristotle used to name ultimate human happiness. It is our own inner spirit or inner dwelling that is simply and truly happy. Though my diary includes a hero character, there is more to my happiness than just him. My diary entries were usually inspired by him and often about unparalleled moments together. But there are reasons behind us that make us able to reach these dimensions through love. And that is what I hope to share. I realized that my eudaimonia is not an external person or lover….
My eudaimonia is inside me. My eudaimonia is poetry, nature, and my senses of being able to smell, taste, see, to listen and hear. To touch and feel. My eudaimonia involves my relationships. My relationship with him, with my sister and my family, with my few friends. My relationships with my students. Most of all, the relationship with myself.
My eudaimonia includes moments of solitude, those moments of peacefulness and clarity. The moments when the world is singing and I am the only person who can hear the song. It is personal and it’s interpersonal. It’s being connected to the space around me and being connected to myself…my body, my mind, my spirit.
My Eudaimonia is a collection of words inspired by True Love. I will share the accumulation of quotes and poems that I have collected on my journey to self-love and romantic love. Since I believe happiness must first come from inside ourselves, I will share methods and insight on how I bring myself balance, health, and sexual radiance. Finally, I will also share my greatest treasure, my love story.
My relationship with Ezra has been a fantasy, a fairytale since the beginning. Now three and a half years after exchanging our first glance at each other, we still stare at each other in awe. We still attack each other primitively, attempting to satiate our insatiable desire for each other.
Society persuades us to continue patterns. Statistics show couples reaching a state of comfort, perhaps marrying, having children, and allowing life to repeat itself. There is a collective myth that suggests it is “normal” for the fire and flame in a relationship to dissolve. But I believe that all of Earth’s elements should exist in love, especially the fire. Do you want a love that is normal or a love that is extraordinary and boundlessly unencumbered by the conventional norms of society?
We can follow the path that has been paved for us with a map and road signs. Or, we can create our own paths. We can continue patterns that already exist, but I encourage you to create your own patterns. We can keep reading fictional tales and dreaming of fantasy. Or we can write our own stories. But in the latter, we get to be the heroine. We get to be the Beauty of a story.
Here my story unfolds.
Welcome to my digital diary.
Welcome to My Eudaimonia.